I Never Knew
by RoyaiAllenaleeRight
Summary: "She was the only one who understood me, but I never understood her. I am absolute, but she was an exception." Akashi Seijuro x OC drabbles. ((unrequited love )(warning: overflowing with feels))
1. Chapter 1

Perfection

She sat on the couch, tired from handling work all day. She was in London for a business trip to last for a few weeks, and her stress was not subsiding. She wanted to take a break for all the work, but she knew she couldn't. She wanted to see the love of her life, but she knew he was in a different country as hers.

She sighed. She rested her head on the couch and stared at the busy street outside her hotel room's window. Weary and tired, she wanted to sleep, but sadness kept her awake. She wanted to cry, but she knew she needed to be strong.

Her eyes landed on a small rectangular piece on the table. She picked her phone up and flicked it open. She sighed, no text or calls from him.

She opened the pictures folder, where all their memories were kept. She looked intently at every picture, reminiscing each moment as if it just occurred yesterday. She wanted to go back to those years, when things were just alright.

But no, she couldn't. She was several years away from their happy past. She needed to live the present, to face reality, the painful reality that he will never love her back.

It pained her to think that she is powerless when it comes to him. She couldn't do anything to fight for her love, and in return, she's broken into pieces.

Her love of her life will be married to the girl he loves, just a few weeks to go.

It hurts, because that girl was not _her._

She remembered the time when he told her what he liked in a girl: beautiful, intelligent, caring, and with dignity.

She was very sure she possessed all that qualities, but he never noticed her nor told him what she really felt.

She was very good in hiding her true feelings. Even the absolute emperor never saw through her.

She stood up and walked to the bathroom. The lights were off, and the moonlight was all it took her to see things. She looked at her reflection on the mirror, examined her appearance. _She was blank._

She stared at her likeness for a long time, many things going on her head.

There was this question she asked herself for years.

_She was pretty, intelligent, caring and she has dignity…_

"Am I not perfect enough?"


	2. Chapter 2

There, they lay on the bed. It was already daybreak, and she was watching him sleep for a while. Clothes were all over the place, and her body ached whenever she moved. She smiled. Events from last night kept replaying in her head. She continued staring at him lovingly. He looked very angelic with his sleeping face, his chest rising up and down in a cute manner as he cuddled to her. The sight was very contradicting his intimidating personality. A sudden thought entered her mind, _was she the only one who saw him like this… or that girl…_

Speaking of that girl, how dare she break Seijuro's heart? She considered her _best friend_ to be very _blessed, _that _her_ emperor fell in love with her. Instead, she ran away with a _commoner _and broke her emperor's heart.

And there she was, the emperor's loyal damsel. She swore that she would follow her emperor to his grave. She'll readily give her everything to him, just to make him pleased.

[o]

Last night, when she just got home from work, of course she was tired, she just came back from London, her phone started ringing. To her surprise, it was Seijuro. She didn't know what to feel. Yes, he bothered to call her, but she knew it was just one of emperor's requests to his loyal damsel.

"Hello Seijuro. What do you want this time?"

"Um, excuse me madam."

Her lips curled in an amusing manner. "Who is this?"

"Sorry for being so impolite, but could you help us with _him_?"

She heard everything, the partying sounds, various people flirting, and the voice of her love, shouting muffled cries in a desperate manner.

"We can't calm him down madam. He won't listen to us. You were the _number one _in his speed dial, so we thought of contacting you."

"Of course. Can you please give me the location? I'm driving there as fast as I can."

And that's when things started. She doesn't have any access to his condominium, so she brought him to her place, unsure of what to do. He already calmed down, and he was lying on the couch. She went to the kitchen to grab a bowl of water and towel when she heard him cry.

Yes, the emperor _cried._

When was the last time she saw him cry? Was it ten years ago, when his mother left him? Yes, she was certain. Seeing him vulnerably like this was a sight was rarer than a blue moon.

She placed the bowl on the small table beside the couch where he was lying, and dipped the towel in it. Before she could even place it on his forehead, he got up and the next thing he did surprised her.

He slowly cupped her face with both hands, and leaned in to kiss her. It was gentle at first, but when she responded, the kiss got heated up.

He tasted of alcohol, but she didn't care. She let herself drown in pleasure. His kissed all her pain and sadness away, or so she thought.

She pulled away mid-kiss, and gasped for air heavily. She was about to lean to him again when he said _her_ name.

"Hi…Me…"

She stopped, eyes wide with tears threatening to fall. How could she miss that fact that he was intoxicated? It pained her again, but it was more painful than before.

" I th…ought yo al..rea…dy…le..ft… I kno…w…you…lo…ve…me… don't…lea…ve…ple…ase…"

She realized that he was also in pain. She didn't care anymore if he thought he was the girl he loved. She didn't care…

All she wanted was to be loved by him, even if it means to become another person.

((Dedicated to AcquiesceOrbit senpai / Rasielis~ Otanjoubi Omedetto! 3 3 3)) This was posted a long time ago in watty, on senpai's birthday, so yeah.


	3. Chapter 3

**((1/15/14 Note: Most of the reviews said that this fic of mine is _sad. (_lol that was my intention) but this chap is very light and fluffy and obviously contradicts the main theme, and I made this out of the blue while scolding my laptop for hanging before I can even save my project (which is a KuroBasu movie review lol) and - stop this nonsense xD The name 'Kaira' is derived from my name lol haahhaha fangirl fantasies are just so sad xD))**

**((This was posted last year in wattpad and I don't want to make changes anymore xD))**

Note: I decided to name the OC. Finally, hahahahahha!

Coffee

Middle School Days

Kaira blankly stared at the bulletin board. Exam week just ended and she didn't expect that the ranks will be posted as soon as possible. There were a lot of things she didn't know, usual for a transfer student.

Kaira had always been at the top ever since she started schooling. No one stood her equal in her old school, but Teikou was different.

The school which she transferred to was full of geniuses. Monsters as she would call them. Almost every student in Teikou excelled in academics with its high standards, and if not, sports was their expertise.

8th Grade

1. Akashi Seijuro class 2-A - Gen Ave 99.98

2. Fujiwara Kaira class 2-A - Gen Ave 98.21

It was just a matter of a point, a freakking point. She inwardly cursed. Who was this guy anyway? To think that she doesn't know him even if he was in the same class as hers... She didn't care much about the people around her. She had enough of untrue people and she didn't want friends. They just use her for their own good. Also, she was transferred schools against her will.

After her long staring session with the bulletin board earlier, the day passed uneventfully. All they did was to recheck their test papers and do some counselling for those who had low marks.

Mathematics was their last subject, to Kaira's dismay. She didn't like her schedule that much. Math was a subject that needs 100% use of the human brain (LOL) and it was just plain cruel that it was placed last when her mind was already tired. The teacher already gave the test papers to the students is a random manner. Someone placed her paper on her desk while she watched the trees sway in the afternoon breeze. When the teacher started talking, she decided to check on her paper.

What she saw shocked her. Kaira almost fell on her seat and it gained the attention of the class.

23 out of 50…?

Is this for real?!

The teacher chuckled at her expression and proceeded to announcing the answers for the class to recheck their paper.

Unbeknownst to Kaira, a pair of red eyes was watching her intently, chuckling at every expression her face shows. _Amusing…_

"Okay class, so as usual, every after examinations the ones who gets low marks shall be tutored by the top scorers of the class, so here are the names…" and the teacher went on her chant.

"…And last but not the least, Fujiwara-san, tutee, Akashi-san will be the tutor. So now we will move on to our new lesson which is graphing an inequality…."

Kaira didn't manage to catch up with what her teacher was saying. Is she serious? Pairing her up with the most intelligent boy in their batch… Is her mark _that_ bad?

After the class was dismissed, Kaira absentmindedly fixed her things and when she was ready to go, someone stopped her. She looked at him, only knowing that her _tutor _held her arm to make her halt.

"Have you understood the lesson sensei thought us earlier, Fujiwara-san? You seen to be… _bothered_."

She shook her head. "I didn't really understand it, Akashi-san."

"So do you want to start tutoring today?"

"Hm, I don't mind. What about you Akashi-san? Are you not busy?"

"Not at all… We don't have basketball training for today."

"So… Where are we going to study?"

"Do you want to do it in your place? I don't think the library is still open, considering the time."

Kaira didn't want to go home yet. She can't take her step mother's bad treatment. She always dreaded going home, and her father and her step mother always fight, so she had to decline.

"Gomen, I don't think my place is appropriate. My parents are –"

Akashi cut her off before she could even finish, "You don't have to tell the details. Are you fine with my place though, Fujiwara-san?"

"Mm."

[o]

"...This is very simple, Fujiwara-san? Why are you having difficulty with these?" Akashi stared at his tutee with both of his hands placed on his waist.

"I'm very sorry for the trouble, Akashi-san. It's just that I can't concentrate anymore. It's already late and I'm so sleepy. Can you please let me off now?" She looked at him with her puppy eyes. Kaira was begging him to let her go for the umpteenth time already.

"No, not until you get a problem right."

She just went back to the problem, scratching her head before grabbing her pen back.

"Just stay here, Fujiwara-san. I'll just get something."

And with that, he exited the room.

Kaira decided to take a break with the problem and scanned Akashi's room with her sleepy eyes. It was simple, but elegant. He had a mini library is a corner, and a shogi board on the study table. She looked at it for a while and tried to move some of the pieces. _So this is what they call Japanese Chess, hm?_

Akashi entered the room with a tray on his hands. He made his way to the table and placed the tray down.

"Here you go, Fujiwara-san, so that you will not feel sleepy." Akashi handed her the cup, with a beaming smile planted in his face.

Kaira swore that her heart skipped a beat.


	4. Chapter 4

By your side

Seijuro sat on his chair, finally having time to relax. Having to deal with human incompetence as his daily mantra, it was tiring and boring. He never had time to play shogi with himself again, nor to play basketball with the other miracles that had gone pro. All those years, he changed, all because of her, and his heartless decision.

After a few minutes, he sat up and fixed his things. Glancing at the clock, it read five-thirty. It was time to meet _her_.

Seijuro made sure he had bought her favorite flowers, and a handful of stories he has yet to tell her.

He entered the large building, most people clad in white. The place was elegant, but it screamed sadness, loneliness, sorrow.

He stepped on the elevator, pressing the number 5 to get to his destination. As the elevator doors went ajar, he stepped out. He walked, turned left, and walked straight again. He knew the place very well, being the one who went there on a daily basis, for a long time already.

Seijuro turned the knob, not bothering to knock. A wall of curtains greeted him, and as he entered the room's heart, he saw her.

It was her, lying on the bed. Fujiwara Kaira, his empress, his love, his heart, _his damsel_.

She was so beautiful, as always. Even though the blush on her cheeks had disappeared, and the color of death was slowly conquering her healthy complexion, she still looked gorgeous in his eyes.

"Ne, _anata_, how are you doing?"

The beeping sound was all he heard.

"Me? It was always the same, dealing with people, showing off what's expected of me… "

He fondly looked at her.

"You know, my empress, my life's never the same without you by my side…"

[~]

_Before_

The emperor and his damsel lay on the bed, tired of their night by night sessions. Kaira swore Seijuro was… fiercer that night. Was it because of the liquor they drank? She chuckled. Any other way around, they both enjoyed their night. It was indeed a night of celebrations, for they already announced to the public that they were getting married.

Kaira watched her emperor sleep. It has become her habit for the past few weeks. She felt happy, now that she was finally with her love. Days passed like those sorrowful days never existed. She was happy with him, and that was what matters.

She finally drifted off to her dreamless slumber, being embraced by the emperor that can't even comprehend everything that was going on.

All he knew was the _girl_ he truly loved above anything else was right in front of him. Not anywhere with that commoner who took her away.

She was crying, and she kept telling the emperor to let her go, to forget her, to start a new with someone she trusted.

But then, his orders were absolute. He kept her in his arms and told her words of affection.

Little did the emperor know, it was just a dream, and someone was hurting on the inside…

Seijuro woke with a start. He felt his head splitting into two and soft sobs was the first thing he heard.

Kaira lie beside him again and set him back to sleep.

As the days passed, Seijuro's thoughts were filled with that _girl_. Guilt and regret conquered his heart. He was determined to find that _girl_ again.

Kaira, however, was not oblivious with what was going on in her fiancée's head. She knew it very well, that even if she was there, he was still longing for that _girl_.

All she did was to direct his attention away from that girl. Kaira wanted to make him forget about that girl. She was always there by his side. She never left, even if he started drifting away. She then, realized that happiness wasn't really meant for her, which forever never existed.

Kaira was getting tired of being hurt over and over again. She already accepted the fact that the damsel was never meant for the emperor. She wanted him to be happy, and she knew he was hindering him form his bliss. She needed to let go, but she knew she couldn't handle the pain.

All Kaira wanted was to be loved, but then, it was basically senseless for her to continue keeping the emperor for herself. That wouldn't do any good.

_It will be fine_, Kaira said to herself.

They made love that night, and Kaira made it sure that it will be their last night together.

Seijuro woke up with the sound of his phone ringing.

"Hello?" He answered groggily. His eyelids still felt heavy. It took a lot of effort to glance at the clock that told him it was 4 am.

"Kaira got involved in an accident."

A week had passed subsequent to the accident. Seijuro didn't know how he would feel. He was confused, for the first time in his life. He was torn between Kaira and that _girl_.

He arrived at their condominium, now lifeless because of the sunshine's absence. He looked around, browsing through pictures that Kaira put up a month prior to the present. Then it came to him, he was longing for her, more that he was longing for that girl. Regret started to flood his heart…

Seijuro lied down on their bed, reminiscing every night he always shared with his empress. He later found himself chuckling and giggling to every amusing memory of her.

He stood up to get a bottle of liquor on their bedside table. He found a paper sticking out of the drawer. He unfolded it and to his surprise, it was a letter addressed to him.

_To Sei-chan_

_Hey, um, I don't really know what to say. Eh, let me think for a while…_

_Thank you for everything._

_Thank you for putting up to my immature acts._

_Thank you for not pushing me away even if I become really annoying._

_Thank you for making me feel loved, even for the matter of a month._

_Because you always make me favors, I shall grant you one._

_I'm sorry for not being enough._

_I'm sorry for pushing myself unto you._

_I'm sorry for making you do things against your will._

_I'm sorry because I'm not her._

_I thought of this every night, and I knew that we'll both be hurt if this continues. _

_So I thought…_

_I know you love me, but I also know that you still love her._

_I am not enough._

_I'm sorry, I'm letting you go._

_I love you, but it hurts to see you sad because of me._

_This is good bye, I think._

_Be happy with her. =D_

_~Kaira_

[~]

The beeping sound and the sound of the door being cracked open brought Seijuro back to his senses.

"Sir, visiting hours is already over."

"I will depart in an instant."

And with that, the nurse exited the room.

"Ne, Kaira, I miss you so much," He cupped her cheeks and kissed her forehead "I love you."

He finally stood up, and with one final glance to her empress, he made his way out of the hospital.

It was already three years, since the emperor last saw the empress' sparkling eyes and beaming smile.

End: 10:53 pm 11/23/13

The middle part's a bit crappy. I'm already sleepy. =.=

Edited 7:44 am 11/24/13

I forgot to insert the most important flashback ahahahha oh well….


	5. Chapter 5

**[Rakuzan High School Days]**

_**From: Fujiwara Kaira**_

"_Hey, Sei-chan… Are you okay? I don't know. If you want to talk, I'm here. Just call me back anytime."_

Seijuro laid back on his bed, staring at the ceiling with an impassive expression. He was tired, putting up his usual serious and strict but false façade that day. No one knew he wanted to break down and lock himself in his room, except for one.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

"_You're still not picking up? Are you asleep? Or am I a bother?"_

There was that girl who kept following him around, sticking with him through ups and downs. She never left his side even though the world betrayed him.

_His_ world…

That was why he never liked romance. Even if it was fun, it was just at the start. Then things started to crumble apart. It was bothersome, stressful, and cruel.

Love was cruel.

Tears then started to fall from his eyes.

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

"Ne, Sei-chan, you know, she's not worth it,"

His eyes, heavy, were starting to close.

"Can't you see that I'm here? I'm just here, waiting for you to love me back."

[`]


	6. Chapter 6

Warning: May be crappy. This is a drabble fic anyway so it should be fine. Hart hart.

Middle School

Closer or Further

Kaira just got home from school, tired from their lessons as well as her duties as the captain of the volleyball team. It was their hell week, as said by a member of the team. She really didn't care much, it was fine for her. Kaira was different, as her teachers would say. She liked doing things. She was very good at leading others, but then, she was distant.

Or so they thought.

Kaira was different, but she didn't mean to drift away. They were the ones who pushed her away.

Well, but not her made-up family, with herself as the mother, Tet-chan, Ryo-chan and Sushi-chan as her children, Shintsun as the family advisor, Ahomine as the bodyguard, and Sei-kyun as the father.

Well, Akashi never fully agreed at the latter part.

But then, all of them were happy.

Kaira smiled as she absentmindedly flicked through her phone, browsing through her made-up family's photos, her treasured memories.

Then, a photo caught her attention.

It was her birthday at the time that picture was taken. Surely, her children were a lot more clever than her; she didn't even know where did they got that trait, but they had the guts to lock her up in the storage room with their father.

Kaira sighed, she remembered her stupidity back then, for she suddenly blurted out_,"Ugh, those mischievous babies of mine. They should have told us if they wanted another sibling."_

Kaira didn't dare to look at Akashi all the time they were locked up in the storage room.

Then after an hour, her babies unlocked the door, finding the two hugging each other for Kaira was getting chills. Man, it was cold in there and they were still in gym clothes.

And, ta da! That photo was born!

Buzz. Buzz.

Insert ringtone here

Kaira's train of thoughts were interupted by her raging telephone. She ran to her apartment's living room to know who disturbed her _moment._

"Moshi moshi." Kaira lifelessly greeted the caller, her tiredness came back.

"Yo, Kai-chan!"

"Rin?"

"Uwah! Finally! Kai-chan! I missed you so much!"

Kaira's lips curled up in a smile. "It's been a while."

"Hm? Is there something wrong?"

"Nah, I'm just tired."

"OI! There's really something wrong when you're tired!"

Kaira frowned. "What are you saying?"

"You told me before that you liked tiring yourself so that you'll not feel sadness and that's why I'm worried."

"People change, you know."

"…"

"Instead of sadness, I feel happy." Kaira chuckled.

"Really?"

"Mm. I have a made-up family with my friends now."

"What about you're real family?"

A long pause…

"But I don't have one…" Scenes flashed through Kaira's mind; scenes that shouldn't be spoken of.

"…"

"Even if we're related by blood, they don't even love me." She never felt loved. It just felt that her father took her in because of _responsibility_, not of _love_.

"Kai-chan…"

"I never wanted to be an illegitimate child… It's not my fault so why…"

"Kaira…"

"But it's alright. I have my new family now. I have Tet-chan, Ryo-chan and Sushi-chan as my children. Hehehe."

"Good for you."

Silence.

"AH!"

"What is it, Rin? Is something the matter?"

"You said you have children, right? So whose the father?!"

Too bad, Kaira was sipping tea that time.

Of course, she choked.

"Hm, though he didn't really agree, we call him daddy and…" Kaira blushed at the thought.

"Uwah! Tell me about your love story mommy!"

"Since when did you become my child?"

"Tell me!"

"Dance first."

"What?"

"Nevermind. You're not a kpopper anyway."

"Just go on!"

"Well, it started in a fine day; it was the checking of our test papers and the release of the ranks in Teiko Middle School."

"What? Checking of papers? That's a lame way to start a love story, mommy!"

"When I looked at the bulletin board, it displayed my name at the second rank of our batch, and guess who ranked first? Of course, it's your daddy."

"Since when did I belong to your family?"

"You were the one who called me mommy."

Rin knew Kaira was having a poke face (-_-) at the moment.

"It was not a big deal for mommy, because he just scored teeny weeny points than mommy."

"Go on."

"Then fast forward to our last period, math! We rechecked our papers, and guess what?"

"Hm? You scored higher than daddy?"

"Hm. Quite the contrary. I didn't even get 50% of the total score."

"WHAAAAAT?!"

"Then our sensei arranged tutorial partners for those who got low marks, and I was one of them."

"I'm guessing that daddy was the one who tutored you?"

"Yep, he brought me to his house and we studied in his room. Man, he didn't let me off until I finished answering problems right! My head ached big time that time."

"IN HIS ROOM?! IS THAT THE TIME WHEN MY SIBLINGS ARE BORN?!"

"BAKA!"

"Just kidding."

"He even brought coffee for me that time. It was so sweet of him."

"Uwah. Daddy is a real gentleman."

"Mm! He even sent me home that night, considering we finished at eleven pm."

"Then after that?"

"We're always together in our free times, the we became best friends."

"WHAT?! YOU'RE REPLACING ME THAT EASILY?!"

"Oh c'mon…"

"Then I met his teammates, and then they became my family. Then we're getting closer everyday…"

"And your status with daddy is…?"

"We're just best friends."

"Seriously."

"But I'm falling for him already."

Silence.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Kaira sighed.

"Hm?"

"But when I get close to him, it feels more that he's farther."

**Hi LureEndsCallIn senpaaaaii~~ HAHAHAH**


	7. Chapter 7

Kaira can't damn fall asleep. She wasn't sure why. Was it because of the loads of arithmetic problems her tutor forced her to answer, or was it the tutor himself?

It has been three months since Akashi started tutoring Fujiwara Kaira, and she always detested his strict and tough way of teaching her. She never had a chance to persuade her to slack off and neither her charms affected him.

But then, even if Akashi Seijuro was practically a sadist, he showed her his soft side in no time. Kaira realized that he wasn't _that_ cruel.

He was cruelly handsome. Kind? Perfect.

Kaira was sure that was the reason why her heart always wanted to go out of her ribcage whenever she sees him.

She always felt happy with his company. She always followed him wherever he goes, and he never displayed any sign of annoyance.

Akashi was the first person who wasn't after her intelligence, kindness, wealth…

Were they friends?

Kaira didn't know. She didn't want to assume, nor have a one-sided friendship.

'_Nee, Akashi-kun, thank you for tutoring me!_

_Let's be friends!'_

_Message sent 08/01/20xx 12:51_

_**~It's dawn, and as I thought, there's still no reply to the text I sent you yesterday...**____**  
**__**Ahh perhaps I shouldn't have sent it,**____**  
**__**My feelings of regret are growing**__._

Too bad Kaira never got a reply.

The next time they met, it was their parents' acquaintance party. Dressed in a sophisticated designer gown, she displayed her charms and good looks to every boy she passed by, internally screaming, 'I'm the prettiest girl in the world and I'm drop-dead gorgeous! Swoon over me!'

Kaira loved doing that, especially when having her sentiments in her heart regarding fake or rejected friendship.

She never had friends, so she loved attention.

But when she glanced at her parents' direction, it became the other way around.

Kaira saw his blazing red locks, his ruby orbs and his gentle smile plastered on his handsome face. Akashi Seijuro was the walking epitome of perfection that screams, 'I'm so hot!'

Not to mention he's wearing a damn tuxedo.

Before Kaira could even swoon at him completely, she made her way to her parents, hoping to be acquainted with the red head's family.

When Akashi accidentally glanced at her direction, he immediately gave her a gentle smile any lady would ((faint?)) fall for. She returned it the same way he gave her.

Kaira's step mother was the first one to talk, "Do you know each other?"

It was Akashi who answered, "Yes, madam. We're in the same class in Teikou Middle School. Kaira's my friend."

Kaira was astonished, at the same time exuberant. A gentle smile, real and full of contentment, painted her face.

She was sure she was the happiest girl at that moment.

_**~If only I could properly get to know you better,**____**  
**__**Become better friends than we are now,**____**  
**__**Know more about you... but would you like that?**____**  
**__**I can only wonder, but I can't ask you that.**___

Days passed and the point when Akashi stopped tutoring Kaira came. It was a relief for both sides, though to Kaira's dismay; she would miss those all nighters she pulled with Akashi, her first real friend. They seldom talk, satisfied with only nods and smiles when they pass each other in the hallway.

It was already the fourth semester of second year and things changed a lot. Akashi got promoted as captain as Nijimura Shizuo stepped down of the position.

She also knew that Akashi changed.

Yes, he would acknowledge her presence and actually greet her, but Kaira knew this wasn't the Akashi she knew.

Akashi seemed to be creepy and there was sadistic aura emanating from him.

Kaira can't afford to be afraid. She knew her friend needs her.

As soon as Kaira mustered enough courage to talk to him, she went to the gym after training. She just stood outside, waiting for a red-head to come out of the door.

Kaira stared at the trees swaying with the afternoon, countless thoughts swarming in her head.

'_What should I tell him? Wouldn't his girlfriend be jealous if I talked to him? Does he even have a girlfriend in a first place? What is he doing in this past days? Was he eating alright? Was being the captain added a ton of load on his back?'_

"Kaira."

Startled, she turned to the owner of the voice, standing by the gym doors, his hands on his pockets.

_Gosh, he's damn handsome._

Kaira shook her thoughts away, "Ne, Akashi-kun."

"What are you doing here? Ah, by the way, you can call me Seijuro."

She just stared at him in disbelief.

"You seemed to have something wrong these past days and I guess I should check up on you, but looking at you now, you're perfectly fine. It's just," she took a deep breath," something changed. I'm not sure."

Akashi softened his eyes," You could just say that you're worried."

Kaira pinked at the statement. "It's not like that!"

Akashi chuckled.

"Do you want to eat at xxx restaurant? Ne, Kaira. I think I should make up for the times we weren't together."

"What were you doing anyway?!"

"There has been a problem in the team. Apparently, Daiki started being absent during practice and Atsushi challenged me into a one-on-one earlier, which I won by the way. It's fine for them as long as they win their games. Let's stop talking about insignificant people, Kaira."

Kaira just stared at him," Why are you on first name basis?"

"To let other people know that I have power over them. I am absolute."

"Fine, emperor-sama."

He's still the same, though Kaira knew there was something wrong.

"How about you, Kaira? How are you doing these days?"

"It's still the same…"

"Take care of yourself at all times, especially when I'm not around." Akashi looked at her with affection in his eyes and a gentle smile was plastered on his gorgeous face. "I can't afford to lose my best friend."

It was then when Kaira knew Akashi never changed.

_**~"What's your job?" "You got a girlfriend?"  
There's so many things I wanna ask you~**_

Akashi was busy. Business proposals and training regimes were scattered on his work desk. He wasn't an ordinary teen who spends summer vacation neither going to excursions nor spending the day in front of the computer while surfing the internet.

Akashi Seijuro was different. Seijuro was special.

It's not like Seijuro hated being different. He did not like it either.

He doesn't know. He's empty.

Seijuro spent all his time busying himself, to forget all the pain, to forget the death of her mother.

Several months had passed when his mother left him but it felt like it just occurred yesterday.

His father made him remember that his mother was dead, and it was his fault.

Seijuro understood the pain his father was going through, but it hurt, no, wrong, it didn't,

He was already empty, numb.

The sudden ringing of his phone altered him away from his miserable thoughts.

'_Seijuro! Let's watch fireworks!'_

_Message received 2:29 PM _

It was from his best friend, the only one who brought meaning to his void life. Seijuro was grateful he met Fujiwara Kaira, his fountain of daylight.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt to enjoy his youth for a while.

_**~I wanna meet up with you in summer and watch fireworks together  
I know it's presumptuous of me, but I wanna be your lover~**_

It was raining hard. Kaira felt that the skies were shedding tears for her. The earth shared her agony. It was gloomy, sad, depressing, and the white walls of the hospital were not making it any good. That was why she felt so weak, that was why a slight impact with another object felt so painful for her: she has cancer.

The doctor said bone-marrow transplant can save her, though it was of low success rate. The cancer has spread throughout her body.

So many questions flooded her mind.

'_**Why me? When I already felt happy with my life? Why? What did I do to deserve this? Is happiness not meant for me?'**_

Kaira stared blankly at the sky with tears streaming down her face. The rain stopped.

Then she remembered him, her best friend, the only one who understood and shared the same agony with her.

Maybe there was still hope.

_**~The constant rain stopped  
And I saw the blue sky appear from behind the clouds  
Are you looking at this sky too?  
It smells of autumn~**_

Kaira then realized that she loved Akashi Seijuro. She always knew Seijuro was more-than-a-best-friend to her.

The bell was heard throughout the campus of Teiko Middle School, signalling the students it was time for lunch. Seijuro stood up and made his way to Kaira's seat. He knew something was perturbing her.

"Ne, Kaira."

Seijuro sighed when Kaira didn't let go of her gaze.

"It's already time for lunch. Let's eat."

"Ne, Seijuro, what kind of girls do you like?" Kaira asked out of the blue while tilting her head towards him.

"I like girls with dignity… What's with the question?"

"Well, I have dignity, right?"

Seijuro felt his cheeks heat up.

Walking down the corridor after eating their lunch, Seijuro occasionally stole glances at Kaira, who was always in a daze, her thoughts seemed so far away. He was confused with her question prior to the moment. Did she mean she wanted him to _like_ her?

They reached their classroom, and the two went to their seats to get ready for the next class. Seijuro sat behind Kaira for their next class and he noticed her hair has gotten shorter.

"Ne, Kaira, what happened to you hair?"

Kaira faced him, "Why? Do you want it to be longer?"

"Nn."

It was then he asked himself if it was normal for his cheeks to get heated up twice.

_**~"What kind of girls do you like?" "How long do you like a girl's hair?"  
There's still lots of things on my mind~**_

Kaira was determined. She will confess to him no matter what happens, even if fate doesn't approve. She will tell Seijuro everything, even if she knew it will hurt him.

Her operation will be done in a week, and before that, before she probably die, she will tell Seijuro how much she love him.

Kaira left a note in his locker.

'_Seijuro, please meet me on the rooftop after your training ends._

_-Kaira'_

It was time to end her fleeting bliss.

Seijuro raced to the rooftop after training. He didn't even bother to change back into his uniform. As he reached the peak of the building, he saw Fujiwara Kaira staring at the stars, her beauty glowing with the moon's dim light.

"Kaira, why did you want to meet me here?"

Kaira stared at him with loving eyes but full of gloom.

She didn't talk.

"Ne, Kaira, what's wrong?"

Seijuro noticed that her cheeks were glistening with tears. He ran to her, and he wiped those tears away.

"Seijuro… I've always wanted to tell you…"

Tears kept gushing down her face.

"I…"

"Don't cry. Please don't cry."

"I love you Seijuro…"

His eyes widened at the words he heard. At that moment, Seijuro trapped her in his arms,"I'm happy."

Kaira gasped.

"I love you too, Kaira," he broke the hug off and cupped her tears-stained cheeks," So would you be my girlfriend?"

Kaira cried more, harder this time. Did he say something wrong?

He hugged her once again, bringing comfort that she knew that will be gone soon.

"That can't be, Seijuro."

He stared at her, completely perplexed. "Huh? What… why?"

Kaira freed herself from his embrace. "We're not meant for each other, Seijuro."

"What are you saying?! We love each other! How can it be-"

"I'll die soon Seijuro!"

He was rendered speechless (omg I used the word rendered lol) and she burst out into tears.

"What? How? What do you mean?!" Seijuro was lost, completely losing his cool. He cannot afford to lose someone dear to him again.

"I'll die soon, Seijuro. I have cancer…"

Seijuro felt a thousand knives stab him straight into his heart, "What? There are ways to cure that Kaira! I'll do anything for you!"

"I know! I'm undergoing an operation next week!" Her throat felt aching with all that crying she did, "But there's a low chance that I will live!"

Seijuro fell to the ground, "You'll live! I know you'll live! You'll live for me!"

Kaira turned her back to him, "I don't know. No one knows. I just don't want to hurt you, Seijuro."

"But I'm so hurt right now!"

"And you're going to hurt so much if I die!"

They were both in tears. Kaira opened the door that lead down to the staircase.

"Seijuro," It was hard for her to say it,"Please find someone who will love you and will never leave your side…"

Seijuro's cries got louder, "No! Don't say that!"

"… and with dignity too…" Kaira chuckled.

"Stop it. Please, stop it!"

"Ne, Seijuro, this is goodbye… Please don't forget that I love you so much."

With that, she made her way down the flight of stairs.

"KAIRAAAAA!"

_**~From the day I met you, I didn't want anything else  
It doesn't need to be a grand romance at all, I just wanna be your lover~**_

If the operation would fail, then this would be Kaira's last day of living. She laid down on her hospital bed, the television turned on, playing the championship game of Teiko Middle School and Shoei Middle School. Kaira was happy, satisfied to see the love of her life for the last time, even if it's not in person…

_**~The sky in the west stains the clouds red; ah, summer's ending~**_

Today was the day, the day that her fate would decide. Kaira wanted to live, but she didn't get her hopes high. She didn't want to be disappointed, to be depressed. She just have to accept the fact that nothing is permanent.

There were many things she wanted to do with him. She wanted to watch fireworks with him, eat bento with him, have math tutorials with him for the last time.

_Ne, Seijuro, I love you so much. Please don't forget…_

And with that, she was pushed inside the operating room.

_**~I wanna watch fireworks together before the season is over  
I know it's presumptuous of me, but I wanna be your lover~**_

It was a miracle for them. Her family rejoiced. After long hours of the operation, she was alive, saved. She should be happy, right? But it didn't feel right…

Kaira was brought back to her room, and her father and stepmother pampered her, hoping for her recovery. She didn't know why, but the first thing she asked them was to switch the television on.

'_For the sake of the uniting of the Akashi Company and the XXX Company, the only heir of the Akashi household and the captain if the Generation of Miracles and the pop star princess *insert name of reader here lol* announced their engagement during this morning's press conference.'_

When she heard that, she dreaded that she lived, survived. A new life awaits her, a new life overflowing with pain.

_**~Today I fall asleep again, dreaming of a love that will never come true  
It doesn't have to be a movie romance, I just wanna be your lover~  
**_

1/25/14 10:50 pm

KyleMea note: I had the urge to type this and I don't even know why. xD This is the longest chapter I ever wrote in my whole life. xD

The song is Anata no Koibito ni Naritai no Desu by Abe Mao (but I like shoose's version more, he sounds like he's going to cry xD)


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